finding balance

everyone is busy planning for their next trip for the next year. and i can’t seem to figure the likeness of that yet.


coz next year In shaa’Allah if we are still alive, i would like to steer away from the stereotype.

i ‘d like to pursue a life other than what people presumed i should do–work abroad-vacay-back to work.


i grew tired and wanting some sense in my life. i remembered when i started learning my deen; i realized that i dont have much time since i wasted too much already.

i wanted to work and study at the same time. but yeah, life was never easy for anyone right?

pls. include me in your dua’a.


Alhamdulillah Ala Kulli Hal.



12 midnight thoughts


hello, hi. it’s been like forever since i had an entry. i felt sorry for not being able to keep this blog alive as what i initially intended. i have been busy since i started working again. writing now just to calm my nerves. basically, venting out to the outside world without the hopes of someone reading it. lol.

may magawa lang kasi walang makausap. 

well, honestly, it’s just been 5 months here in KSA but i have this funny thought of quitting again after my contract ends. what is wrong with me?? don’t ask me coz i don’t even know. something just don’t feel right and it’s hard to explain why.

i wanted this job but sometimes the stress of my environment is eating me up. i’m barely surviving each shift. Ya Allah. 

i wanted to do great things in this lifetime.

and i feel that my environment now is not going to help me achieve that. 😦

kahit saan ata ako mapunta stressful na tlga ang trabahong ito. ginusto mo to delly. panindigan mo! kaya matulog ka na at may duty ka pa bukas.  *cries inside*

Alhamdulillah Ala Kulli Hal.









muslimah journey · reflections

Life Goal: Don’t just be an average muslimah, have a strategy for your akhirah!

Last April 9, 2017. I was fortunate to be one of the attendee in an all-female muhadarrah (islamic lecture) in our humble city. Two days before the event, I was texting the contact person to kindly ask for a reservation (hoping to fill a seat), even though I knew about it since a week before, but forgot to make a reservation in advance.

However, I received a text message informing me that all seats for the event was already taken (I was too late!). I was saddened but thanked the sister for accommodating me, and I pondered on my own, maybe it’s not meant for me. It was not written for me to be participating in that event.

Indeed, it was unfortunate especially if you think of all the ‘ilm that you will gain, that feeling of eeman boost, and being in the company of inspiring sisters. Masha’Allah! However, if you think of Allah’s plans, as being far better than our own plans, it gives our hearts a feeling of ease and gratefulness. (and so I was comforted)

Moving on, came the day prior the event. I was in my usual self, reading blog posts and munching my favorite snack when suddenly, a text message appeared informing me that one seat was opened for the muhadarrah and was waiting for my confirmation. Subhan’Allah! From where that available seat came from, only Allah knows! I was in awe of how Allah SWT makes plans for us and make things work, out of nowhere. I was so happy and immediately replied back confirming my reservation. Alhmadulillah! Indeed Allah makes things possible by any means. And this event was indeed written for me, with a twist. 🙂


YOUR SOUL IS CRYING, was the theme of the muhadarrah.

entrance to the venue.

One thing I love about this event was that: it was an all-female event. No worries of mix socialization with the opposite gender. And on top of that ,the venue is exclusive and conducive with free meals for all attendees. We also had iquize which was participated by everyone. It was entertaining and educating at the same time. We enjoyed the question and answer part. Prizes were given that adds to the spice and eagerness of everyone to participate. Over the course of the lecture, a revert sister even made her Shahada. I feel so blessed to have witnessed it. (I was crying out of happiness cos it’s my first time to witnessed it in front of my eyes. tho I have watched tons of videos of it online). Over all, it was a joyous, eeman-boosting, productive and eye-opening event for me. And I wish to have more muhadrrahs like this in the future.

So, I would like to share the things I learned, and will be coming back to this post to re-read this and hopefully remind myself once again.


a keychain for keeps. 🙂



Basically, the main focus of the muhadarrah was our SOULS. Our ruh inside our body. How our life in this world is so small, so tiny and insignificant compared to where we are going–the hereafter! (have we though of that frequently?)

I learned that our souls, me and you inside these bodies, will embark on a journey–in 6 different worlds.



a bunch of inspiring and beautiful muslimah, young and young-at-hearts. 🙂


(please bear patience as I only took points of the main topic, and wrote only what I did understand, this is not however, the complete and detailed notes of the lecture.)

1. AL-ARWAH, this is the dwelling places of the created souls. In this world we are just plain souls, no HE or SHE. We are happy and contended in this world, and we only know Allah! Our breathing is just for Allah and we don’t ever want to leave this world. All the souls that will be brought to this earth is situated in this al-arwah. Billions of soul and Allahu Ahlam. Moreveover, we don’t know how long did Allah SWT has kept your soul and my soul in this world.

2. AL-ARKAM, this is inside our mother’s womb. We are transferred to this world from al-arwah, by the angel blowing the ruh to the body of a fetus as Allah’ command. In here, we are provided by our mothers with the necessary food and nutrients in order to grow and live (through our umbilical cords). Similarly, we also don’t want to leave this world but, we don’t have control over what will happen to us. So Allah brought us to the next world…

3. AD-DUNYA, the worldly existence! We are transferred to this world upon our birth. The world where we are right now. Let say, we will live the average lifespan of 70 years. This is where we lost track of the hereafter, spending our years chasing worldly affairs: money, fame, wealth, enjoyment, etc. We are dying to reach the pinnacle of success in this world, but in terms of our deen we don’t give it our priority. We are working hard just to be rich in order to be fully happy, and we don’t think of death as a reality. How deluded are we? Subhan’Allah.

4. AL-KUBUR, after the chase of the worldly life comes our death. This is now another world, a dwelling place for our lifeless bodies. Imagine, if we die right now, are we ready with the few good deeds we have on our records? Will those deeds suffice for us to be admitted in Jannah? (You and I know that we are not! we still have to do more and more but, why are we not taking actions?) REFLECT! REFLECT! REFLECT! Please save your soul my dear self. Because indeed, the grave is a scary place. We will be squeeze inside and punishments will be given according to the sins that was committed by our whole body. Astagfirullah.

While we wait for the judgment day, our souls will be transferred to either in ILLIYIN (a place for the good souls) or in SIDJIN (a place for the bad souls).

5. RESURRECTION, then the horn will be blown and the day of judgment will come. A day which we are aware but take heedless of. Our souls will then be resurrected with a reconstituted body ready for judgement; moving towards the resurrection ground to the place of assembly for judgment by Allah SWT, for 50, 000 long years. Imagine! 50, 000 years compared to the 70 years of your life in the dunya!!! (we might not even reach 70 years old in the dunya, who knows.)

6. HEREAFTER–JANNAH OR JAHANNAM? and now our final abode. The eternal world. The eternal life! Which world would we want to spend our eternity??? What would be the ending of our souls??? And so, I will leave this thoughts for you to fill your hearts with, and question yourself regularly. You know far better to evaluate your own self. Bear in mind that the punishment is real, and so as the promised rewards of Allah SWT. It’s never too late to repent and do better. We can start today!

What’s my take home lesson that I wish to live upon: live in this world like a stranger and attain success that will benefit me, both in this world and in the hereafter. I tell myself to forget about the people who try to mess my life, and just live contentedly and do my ibadah sincerely. I say to myself to forget about the job that gives me stress, and just endure it, and live a life trying to please Allah alone. I say to myself, forget about having millions on your bank account but rather, focus on spending what you have in halal ways. Have a strategy for my akhirah that my future self will thank me for!  Do self-reflection everyday! Think of death regularly! This world is nothing compared to what is waiting ahead… 

tried my best to keep a good penmanship.
cos my handwriting is actually, nvm. 🙂



***Special thanks: To the whole YSIC team, Assunnah foundation, and to the very inspiring, moving, and soft-hearted speaker (sister Ablah Safiyah). She welcomed us guests, with the salam and warm hugs and kisses. She made me shed a tear quite a few times with her beautiful words and her shared experiences. May Allah accept from us all, our efforts and perseverance to seek ‘ilm, and may HE keep our intentions pure and sincere.


Praying for many more events with the sisters. In shaa’ Allah.

Jazak’Allahu khair for reading!  🙂

xoxo, delly.

nursing journey · reflections

A Nurse’s Confession: Epiphany of the little things

“We don’t just do what we do. We do it for a purpose. It may be small, but in the end seeing a difference in someone’s life pays it all.”

I am a nurse.

I belong to the population of gorgeous human beings alive. And I humbly believe that we are one of the many great professions there is. Yet, in reality many nurses endure the struggle of keeping up with their passion. Inevitably true that some days, you no longer feel fulfilled in what you do as a nurse; those times when you felt like every waking day for work is just a dreadful one; always looking forward for every day-off to actually runaway from all the noise and chaos of the hospital environment. And for a second, does it ever cross your mind how different your life will be if you did not enter nursing? Has your inspiration wandered aimlessly through the narrow streets? Have you lost your inner compassion? For a brief moment of adversity and toxicity we all did, right?

Imagine life without those sleepy night shifts. No more vital signs taking every now and then. No more back pains related to positioning your bedbound patients. No more loads of paperwork. No more unending sounds of beeping machines. No more people calling your name here, there and everywhere. No more stressful days and toxicity. No more arguments in triage bay. No more people taking your job as a nurse for granted. No more skipping timely meals. No more panic attacks. No more rollercoaster mood swings. No more days when losing your own patience felt like easier than memorizing a mnemonic of a disease. No full bladders and tired feet.

And my list could go on…

However, I am not writing to whine over my job. I am writing to express and always have been passionate about inspiring people and myself through the comfort of words.

Let’s briefly take a moment of nostalgia…

Now, imagine your first nursing uniform, how does it felt when you first worn it? How does your day go after work when you helped save a life or two? How does it felt listening to an old grandma about stories and life’s lesson? How does your heart skipped a beat seeing a genuine smile from your difficult toddler patient? How does it felt having a doctor say that they can’t do it all alone without us nurses? How does it felt seeing your patient discharge after all the headache they put you through? How does it made you feel seeing a dying person survived and given his second chance to live? How does it made you appreciate life, death, health and illness more? How does it turned out doing nothing but just holding someone’s hand and being there make them feel braver? How can we trade those moments with something trivial? We don’t earn grand in this profession but we are rich with these simple rewarding moments.

These little things that people in other disciplines don’t get to encounter everyday. We don’t get to tell other people this because this is so cliché, and we are viewed as people who just do what we do. But in reality those ‘awe-inspiring and wow’ moments of life make a nurse’s day worthwhile no matter how small and simple it may seem.

My fellow nurses, we may have a lot of things to be weary of, but nonetheless we have tons of great things to be thankful for as well.

Yes, you can imagine life without those things that drive you crazy at work disappearing like a bubble bursting into the air; but it will always be there for it comes along the many wonderful experiences this job has to offer. One simply cannot exist without the other.

Nurses are but resilient fighters. We work to adapt, adjust and find balance everyday. Working as a nurse, we may have some experiences that made us who we are and how we are today. We have those tough in the outside yet soft-hearted nurses. We also have those apathetic ones yet compassionate in the inside. We have survived this path so don’t let the silly things upset you. You are not alone in this journey. Think of the thousands of nurses around the globe who are running along the corridors right now to respond to a code or maybe just answering call bells. Think about them who probably haven’t eaten their lunch yet because still busy with due medications and emergency procedures. Think about them who silently cries when someone belittles their hard work. Think about them who fights for their patient’s rights but unappreciated and judged. Think about them who miss their family but still showing up for their patients. Think about them who feel ill but have to get up and take care of the sick. Think about them who fail, and get up and continued–they are nurses just like you and me. They refused to be defined by the hardships of what they do. They inspire me to see, look back and appreciate the simple pleasures of this job. We may have different views and opinions in life but we share the same pledge with Ms. Nightingale.

Nurses let’s roll. Move away from melancholy of our everyday routine. Remember why you started. Find the strength to continue and show up. Remind yourself of the never-ending tales of seeing extraordinary things in an ordinary day of someone’s else life. With the years passing by, we have accumulated an endless stories of life’s lesson, inspiring tragedies and even funny moments to remember. And as for every nurse out there, there is a success story that will always linger in their minds. Pull out those stories from your treasure chest and re-live the moments. Reminisce how those moments made you cry, smile and steered up your faith in nursing. And also always remember the team that you work with. No one survives alone in this line of work. Whether it is an intense life and death situation down to finding humor and laughing out loud with colleagues–we all needed each other’s back.

I am a nurse and I learn from my patients too. 🙂

How our simple actions have actually helped them beyond unfathomable measures; how you as a nurse became a part of their battles, to remind you that we don’t just do what we do. We do it for a purpose. It may be small, but in the end seeing a difference in someone’s life pays it all. Truly, the grandest of epiphanies are but stitched collections of the smallest and simplest things in life. I AM A PROUD NURSE. Plead guilty.



a souvenir from my previous hospital. 


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